Relationship Magic! How to Make a Difference

“My REAL job is to love!” That’s what the bumper sticker on the car in front of me said. I smiled broadly as I silently thanked the driver of the car for the priceless reminder.

The absolute truth of that statement is so apparent to me, as are the many challenges in trying to live it. We WANT to be loving, but at the same time, we’re so afraid of what will happen if we are simply unconditionally loving and stop trying to control everything.

Won’t the people we love be lost if we don’t oversee, judge, push, prod, instruct, and otherwise tell them how to live their lives? How will our children learn about life and how to function? And what about ourselves? How will we ever be the people we want to be?

We joke about being control freaks, but we have all been raised in a culture that teaches us that “constructive criticism” is the way to help people improve themselves. On the other hand, what I know as a life coach and spiritual mentor who has spent thousands of hours working with people, is that nobody likes to be told how to live and what to do. And all of my metaphysical studies have emphasized the importance of reaching for love, over and over and over again.

So how do we align ourselves more fully with the deepest desire of our human hearts to simply love?

Every one of us has a very real need for what master therapist, the late Carl Rogers called “unconditional positive regard”. The Buddhists call it “unconditional friendliness” toward oneself and others…. and we thrive on it. It is music to our souls. And it is difficult for us to truly blossom into who we are meant to be without it.

We reach for it in so many ways. Every time we reach for anything in the hopes that it will make us feel good, we are reaching to fill that primal need to know our own goodness and worth. As the song says, “ain’t nothin’ like the real thing, baby!” because nothing else will ever fill that space.

Why is it so hard to come by? The answer to that question lies in the word ‘conditional’. You see, we seem to have a thing about deservingness.

How can we just love and praise and offer this positive regard, just because someone is on the planet? Don’t they have to have done something, or be something, to deserve it, to earn it? We actually feel uncomfortable offering it freely, afraid that in the offering of it, we are giving permission to be ‘less than acceptable’. We couldn’t be more wrong!

It is in the very offering of what we feel is not deserved or earned, that we affirm the worth of the person to whom we offer it. It is in the unconditional offering that we are saying “I see the essence of you. And you are good. Period.”

We are longing to hear this because we go for what  px7 primal flow reviewsseems like forever without hearing it or feeling it from the world around us—or often, even from ourselves.

When we begin to shift into this way of viewing and thinking about others, we actually begin to ‘see’ and experience directly, their goodness, and inevitably, our own in a way we hadn’t previously-because WE INTEND TO SEE IT. What a powerful intention to hold!

It is as if we are seeing with new eyes: the eyes of the heart. The heart doesn’t care about bad moods, dirty clothes on the floor, not enough money, a bad report card. The heart sees through all that, to the essential goodness of the loved one. The heart knows that love is love, no matter what. And the heart rejoices in it!

It thrills the heart to finally be free to simply love without reservation. The judging ego will challenge us every step of the way on this path of love with approval/disapproval thoughts and fear thoughts, but the heart is constant and once open, and will keep reminding us of its nature, which is simply to love. That’s what the heart does.

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